I was supposed to have a baby today.
Not necessarily, I know. He might have come early, he might have come late. If Charlie had grown to term, I'd have a baby now.
I took the day off. Wednesday, kind of nice. Mid-week break.
I'm going to write this post throughout the day, try to stick with me, there may be more nonsensical ramblings than usual.
My mom has recently moved to Nevada. She can't be with me today. I wish she could, she was such a comfort when I had my D&C. So, rather than spend the day alone in my house, I've asked my in-loves to spend the day with me. My 3 sisters, my other mom, 2 nephews and 2 nieces.
Charlie's remains are buried at Holy Cross Cemetery. We're going to visit today. I also want to go to Mass. The parish that Anselm and his family went to mostly when they were young, Old Saint Mary's, has a daily Mass at noon.
As I'm typing now, I feel okay. I teared up just a minute ago talking about my mom, but the floodgates have not yet opened this morning. To be continued...
10:50pm. I should go to sleep. But, here I am, wanting to finish this post. Reflect on today. The weather was perfect. This Indian summer we are having is fantastic in my opinion. Holy Cross was lovely. I've mentioned before that it is one of a only a few cemeteries the Archdiocese has a special plot for children and the unborn. There wasn't a label or marker for Charlie's grave yet. There were some crosses, servings as markers, for the some of the burials in 2016. It might be nice to buy a stone. The other option, to personalize, is to buy a plaque with Charlie's name on it.
Mass was short and sweet, as daily Mass is. Today is also the Feast of St. Luke, the evangelist. I want to learn more about him.
Today was hard, but good. I am filled with happiness that perhaps I started a tradition today, to remember our Charlie. He won't ever be forgotten. I certainly knew that already; but it was really comforting to know that he won't be forgotten by other people as well. We can celebrate this day with our future children, and they will know they have a big brother in Heaven.
My sister-in-law Flannery draws and paints excellent commissions of Saints. We keep telling her she should do this through an Etsy shop, and I'm sure she will someday, but right now, she mostly does it for her family. We have a St. Anselm and a St. Abigail, that she did for us earlier this year. Today, she and my other sister-in-law Ariel, gave me a commission of St. Charles Borromeo. (I'll post pictures when I figure out how to do that well)
I'm going to do my next post on St. Charles, and I'll explain why he's special. Of course you'll have figured out he is partly our Charlie's namesake, shared with my grandfather. For now, though, I'm going to sleep.
Rest well, friends.
