My days are filled with doubt and fear. I have been clinging to God to squash these emotions. 

After I lost Charlie, I did what any completely irrational, emotion struck, type A personality would do; I dove headfirst into things I thought would help me heal, and would help me get pregnant again, and deliver this time.

The PT in me, looked to diet and exercise, to make sure my body had the right building blocks to support new human life. Prenatal vitamins, more vegetables, less coffee and less alcohol. 

The Catholic in me, signed up for daily devotional emails from Blessed is She. Scripture everyday will help for sure. I am also partaking in a 40 day online retreat through one of my favorite podcasts, The Catholic Feminist

And I had no problem getting pregnant again. Praise God! But oh, these 9 months (hopefully?) will be a daily test of faith. Even writing that sentence I was doubting that Peanut and I will make it. 

And then, on top of this daily inner struggle...what about everything happening in the country and in the world? Texas and Florida have just been rampaged by hurricanes. People need basic things. They need shelter. God is very busy. Am I so selfish to continue to struggle and pray just for me and my family? 

Say a prayer with me today. God, let me trust in you, quiet my fears with your grace, and help those who are suffering keep their eyes on you as they heal and rebuild. Amen. 


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