A situation that happens often, when people find out I am pregnant, and don't know me well, is the question "Is this your first baby?" 

It's an honest question. I can't be offended by it. My knee jerk reaction, is to say "yes." 

But then I punish myself in my mind for this knee jerk reaction. I say it because it's easier. Because these people don't know me. They don't want to know that I have an angel baby. Or maybe they do, but the former is what I think. I do sometimes tell people, when I feel comfortable. For example, I have told a few of my patients about this pregnancy. I feel comfortable telling some of them my history. I know very intimate things about them. I suppose because of this, I feel safe sharing my intimate things. 

I wish I could wear a pin, a universal sign, so people would know. However, then conversations wouldn't happen. I do wear a necklace, with a cross, and small circular symbol that has a "C" on it. My sister-in-law gave it for me for my birthday. 

I lost Charlie just before Mother's Day. A similar question, that I have a similar knee jerk reaction to, is, "Do you have any children?" I consider myself a mother. Anselm and I celebrated Mother's Day this year. Again though, I sometimes answer this with "not yet." I do though. Now I truly have children. Plural. I have one in heaven, and one growing inside me. 


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