Here's what I've been thinking about at 3am during Estelle's feedings the last few days. The feedback from my post on Estelle's birth story... mostly positive, some not so much. Maybe I came off whiny. Poor me and my birth experience. I'm not a professional writer, I'm like 3 steps below amateur blogger. It wasn't a crafted piece. It was free thought and processing. Heck, my husband, who is always correcting my grammar, doesn't even proofread posts before I post them.
I'm not advocating for or against hospital births, for or against midwives or OB/GYNs. I started this blog to help me process and heal from having a second trimester miscarriage. The OB that took care of me during this experience was amazing. Compassionate, caring, and truly helped me get through that situation. She gave me her personal cell phone number. She followed up with me and checked in weeks later. I appreciate her so much. She is the reason we delivered where we did and with the practice we did, with her and her partners.
I am not mad at the OB/GYNs who were part of my delivery. I do not think they did anything wrong. I think they did everything they are trained to do to make sure me and my baby come out of the experience alive and healthy. And we both did. I am absolutely grateful. I love my daughter. I did not mean for her birth story to give any impression otherwise. A comment I received said this person hoped my OB/GYN never reads this blog. But if she did, I don't think she would find any of this offensive. It's not personal to her. It's only personal to me.
I'm disappointed I didn't have the birth experience I wanted and prepared for. I made the decision to have a c-section. I believe my husband and I did everything we could in the moment to moment to keep in line with our birth plan and we made informed decisions with the medical team working with us. To boil it down, this series of posts says that I am disappointed. And that should be ok. It should be ok for me to say that without anyone taking offense.
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